can't wait for march

two consistently beautiful things that i consistently love

danse serpentine - loie fuller

fooled me again, honest eyes

christmas came a little early this year

and my, what a christmas gift it was...

semi-holiday blurb

it’s raining.

not the usual sloppy, flaccid sort of southern california rain.

real rain.

waking up to the lovely drumming of water tumbling and dripping was comforting and reminded me of lazy sundays and of that perfect balance of being perfectly warm and perfectly cold. 

real rain.  

the pouring was satisfying and it made me want to chase away the glimmers of sunlight, attempting to weave its way faintly through the fog.  i felt anxious that it was going to power through the flawless saturated gray of sky.  the only thing lacking was the indistinct crescendo of distant thunder.  that would have made today unsurpassable.  

on a slightly different note…

i worry frequently.  a frequent, unfiltered worrier.  

if there were a grand master for worriers, i would be it.  granted, the worries are often internalized and fortunately for those around me, only a fraction of these worries are actually verbalized. the only probable sequel to all this worrying is obviously scenario making.  

scenario making is more advanced than what one might think and it utilizes deeply fortified and honed skills.  the more complex the scenario, the more characteristics each scenario starts to possess and then your mind really starts running with it.  simple sightings of a homeless-sign-carrying-money-requesting-man sticking his thumb up at the end of a highway ramp makes me worry and before i know it, my imagination is trying to jump and cling onto make believe family backgrounds; that uncle that died of alcoholism, how close they must have been, the fishing trips he might have taken as a boy, that vile first love that left him and the weird second cousin that always complained about her ingrown hairs.   the what ifs and who ifs are endless and soon the worries are no longer centered on reality but rather on unfeasible concocted characters and situations that will probably never exist.  

realizing the frequency in which this occurs made me also realize how often there are deadly silent periods of time in which i naturally zone out and forget about, say, the other person in the car.  sometimes there is a nervousness that drops its heaviness in the air and makes the other person stumble to say something to silence the silence. in those moments, instead of explaining, i wish i could press a button that would release a projection of images from my brain to explain why i was so suddenly caught away from my place in the passenger seat.  

there is a little bit of crazy in all of us.

the other day, i caught a co-worker concurrently shaking her head and stating, “wake up! wake up!” to herself in a violent manner that reiterated my assumption that she thought no one else was around. granted it was that looming food coma hour that usually comes after lunch and lasts through about three every afternoon, but i couldn’t help feeling startled and that combined with her discomposure made us collapse in laughter.

a little crazy never hurt anyone. 

i am so delighted about the holidays.  not necessarily to the glittering of lights, bright jewel tones, or all the sensational prints applied to wrapping paper.  every muscle in my body is rigid with excitement at the thought of flying back east and simmering in family.  this year, feeling sick for home was overwhelming and that north carolina air seems so tangible i feel as though it could be solid.   I also bought ridiculous holiday outfits for my dogs, all the while smiling with anticipation, envisioning the expressions on their faces that will say with an unwavering stupor, “are you kidding me?”  

so ends my semi-holiday blurb. now go smell the dampness wafting up from the pavements and then cozy up to some chet baker in bed.

word of the day: inneresting

i just watched a chuck close documentary. innersting. reeeaal innersting. 

and for a laugh and a bit of that warm feeling in your insides:

http://www.herbanddorothy.com/

ch-ch-check it out.

in the words of arnold schwarzenegger...

"i'll be back."

the summer gods are calling my name.

last night, there was something in the air.

in my back yard, of course.

it reminded me of a pungent combination of late night back road drives in the cool tennessee summers with the indescribable excitement of breezy la nights. there was even 'the' smell.  'the' smell of something quintessential and perfectly blemished waiting to surprise me just around the bend.

utopia

it. was. perfect.

so as i leaned back, i turned up owl city's 'hot air balloon' on high, closed my eyes and took a deep long cancerous breath.

(that's loma linda air, for those of you that don't know)

i felt so elated that i wanted to dance around.

i did for maybe 30 seconds before i started feeling stupid.

the old lady with her cats next door must be thanking me for those 30 seconds of ridiculous entertainment.

but who cares?

it. was. perfect.

the other day, i laughed so hard cause someone was wondering out loud how t.i. must be doing in jail. 

i ran into a newer friend and an older porch swing.

at that glimmering moment, the friend, swing, and wrap around porch

seemed to come in a perfectly wrapped package.

the day was hot, but the coffee was cold, and the drip, drip, drip of the condensation was more a reminder of how you can blink, and poof, moments like this pass you by.  

i had forgotten about porch swings.  

but was reminded with a snapshot of how beautiful uncomplicated simplicity can be.

we forget these things sometimes. 

(it really is a shame).